Resentment... how can we cope?

I recorded this video yesterday, and deep down I knew why I was upset. I knew why I was crying. I knew why everything had got too much. I told you it was because we were missing Tom, our team mate. But I wasn’t telling you the whole story.

The truth is, I was really resenting Tom. For not being there to help me, for not taking the reigns on the weekend so that we could help more people, change more lives, get more work done.

I’ve never really told anyone this, but until Tom had left, I very rarely left the house with Clementine by myself. It makes me hyper anxious and I get really nervous. But I also really love connecting with people, and helping people get started on their own health and wellness journey.

Without Tom being here, I made the decision to just suck it up and do what I needed to do. For the most part, it has been totally fine. But yesterday really broke me. I felt embarrassed when she threw a tantrum at our workshop, when she threw the strawberries on the floor at Woolworths. I felt guilty that I hadn’t spent quality time with her that day, that my attention was on other people and not her. And I resented Tom for it. I felt angry.

How do you cope with resentment?

I had a lot of responses from people on my Insta Stories today about this topic. The general consensus is that it is a really difficult emotion. It’s seen as quite negative (I think because it’s closely linked with anger and it’s usually directed towards an individual), but sometimes it’s just how you feel, right?

I think the main thing to remember is that IT’S OK TO FEEL THAT WAY!

It is important to IDENTIFY it and ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL the underlying emotions that have bought this to light - such as fear or hurt.

Be present with and accept these feelings, especially the vulnerability that comes with it.  

As soon as I told Tom I was feeling this way, we both jumped into action. How can we deal with this? Do we need to speak with someone? What tools can we use?

I also called on you guys… *so grateful for all of you!

Here’s a little collation of your responses and how Tom and I personally cope

Identify what exactly is happening

Life is a rollercoaster. But when problems come in, how do I want to be and who do I want to be? I want there to be consistency in who I am, rather than changing based on what life is presenting. If a problem arises, do you want to be a hot mess? No? Ok then - how can we ensure that doesn’t happen? Maybe it’s Balance essential oil on the soles of your feet, or programming a Celestite crystal to bring clarity into your life (this is exactly what I did).

I don’t want to project my shitty mood onto Tom, or on anyone else for that matter. Sometimes life gives you lemons. But I can still be kind to people, to myself. I can still smile at someone down the street.

Oils that can assist with this process:

  1. Frankincense (Oil of Truth and Light) - apply a drop to the back of your neck or under your tongue). Frankincense helps you to let go of lower vibrations and see things from a new perspective.

  2. Lavender (Oil of Communication and Calm) - add a few drops into the diffuser, add to your bath with some Epsom salts, and/or wear as an aromatic dressing with some fractionated coconut oil). Lavender helps to calm the mind and release tension so that you can communicate freely and openly.

  3. Clary Sage (Oil of Clarity and Vision) - wear as an aromatic dressing and/or add a few drops to the diffuser. Clary Sage helps you to change your perspective and see the truth.

  4. Copaiba (Oil of Unveiling) - have a drop under your tongue, wear it as an aromatic dressing and/or put a few drops in the diffuser. Copaiba reassures you that mental, emotional, physical and spiritual pain and limitation are only temporary.

  5. Sandalwood (Oil of Sacred Devotion) - so beautiful to wear as an aromatic dressing and to use in the diffuser (I save this oil for when I really need it!). It is great for meditation and has an incredible ability to calm and mind and invite spiritual clarity.

Forgive, let go, move on

Unless you have some kind of superpower to change the past, that’s as good as it’s ever going to get! Always remind yourself of this. Even if you don’t like what has happened (or is happening), you can still accept it, which can free your energy from anger/resentment and allow you to be more present.

There’s actually studies which shown that FORGIVENESS that can kick resentment in the butt and set you free. It is something I am working on, and probably still no there yet.

Oils that can assist with this process:

  1. Forgive (Oil of Renewing) - I diffused this with Balance and AromaTouch last night to restore balance and I also wore it as an aromatic dressing today with Balance). Forgive helps you to let go of hostilities and to treat others the way you would want to be treated.

  2. Geranium (Oil of Love & Trust) - I am wearing this as an aromatic tonight with Forgive. Geranium encourages emotional honesty, love and forgiveness and softens anger (which I NEED!).

  3. Lemongrass (Oil of Cleansing) - I love to diffuse this at the end of a long week! It cleanses negative energy and helps you to enter a ‘healing mode’ or ‘cleansing state’.

  4. Siberian Fir (Oil of Aging & Perspective) - this is a real winner for sleep so it’s perfect to pop in the diffuser at night time. It encourages an honest and gentle approach to assessing your life choice, influence and legacy. I have been really drawn to this oil recently, perhaps because I’ve seen a real shift in our focus to create a life and legacy that we love!

  5. Thyme (Oil of Releasing & Forgiving) - naturally, I included this! This oil is so cleansing for our emotions and is especially great at releasing trapped feelings. Highly recommend adding it to your collection!

Open Communication

If your resentment is directed towards an individual, then how can you be expected to work through it if you don’t communicate with them? I can appreciate that for a lot of people, this is incredibly difficult. But I honestly felt instantly better once I had spoken to Tom. In fact, it opened more communication and he explained a few things he was feeling too!

Oils that can assist with this process:

  1. Lavender (Oil of Communication and Calm) - add a few drops into the diffuser, add to your bath with some Epsom salts, and/or wear as an aromatic dressing with some fractionated coconut oil). Lavender helps to calm the mind and release tension so that you can communicate freely and openly.

  2. Spearmint (Oil of Clear Speech) - I always wear this and Lavender before I teach a class or record a video. Spearmint is great for clarity and assisting with putting your emotions into words.

  3. Cassia (Oil of Self-Assurance) - this is my, “you got this”, oil! It is a hot oil, so please be careful when applying to your skin (always dilute) - but it’s great to add into a blend with Lavender and Spearmint when wanting to communicate something important. It’s especially great for shy and timid people!

Practice Gratitude

After undertaking the first step and really analysing why I felt resentment, a few things became clear:

  • I choose how to spend my time, and if the way it is spent creates overwhelm or those types of feelings, then perhaps it is up to me to do a better job at protecting my time.

  • I GET TO DO WHAT I LOVE!! I get to share my passion on a daily basis, and I get to connect with people in person most weekends. This FILLS ME UP! And the best part? Clementine gets to see me do it. Even with those tantrums, she gets to see me change lives… how lucky am I?

  • I have the best team mate on the planet, who supports me no matter what. He might be on the other side of the country, but he has never once swayed from my side, is the ultimate encourager, and has to be told to put himself first for once!

It’s easy to focus on what we DON’T have… we are kind of programmed that way, right? But what do you have?

Oils that can assist with this process:

  1. Spikenard (Oil of Gratitude) - this is great in the diffuser (I personally don’t wear it as I don’t like the smell too much). Spikenard encourages true appreciation for life and encourage you to just accept life as it currently is!

  2. Tangerine (Oil of Cheer & Creativity) - put a smile on your dial! I love a drop of Tangerine in my water and in the diffuser too. Tangerine helps to lift the darkest of moods and has a very uplifting vibration.

  3. Wild Orange (Oil of Abundance) - this is another great oil for your water! Wild Orange teaches us the true meaning of abundance, aka, how great is it that we are HUMAN and get to live on this incredible thing we call Earth!

  4. Lime (Oil of Zest For Life) - add a drop to your Corona and thank me later! If you are feeling discourage or emotional, this helps to elevate you and encourage gratitude for the life we live!

Can you practice some self love, relaxation or mindfulness techniques? 

Last night, after my really shitty day, I put Clementine to bed early and had some “me” time.

I had a long shower with some Lavender and Siberian Fir in the corner (2 drops each), I did a Face Mask (I used the La Mav Pink Clay one for the first time and OMG LOVEEEE), I aromatically dressed with Balance and Forgive, and I programmed two of my crystal (Celestite and Selenite) - I asked for peace, tranquility and clarity.

What is the big thing that has been getting me through? MINDFULNESS.

I never really understood what this was until I started connecting with my emotions through essential oils. It asks us to drop our judgments, attachments and expectations (because this is what causes suffering), and approaching each situation with openness and compassion. It teaches us to lead with love and accept life, in all its aspects!!

There’s no specific oil I’d recommend for this one. Mindfulness is all about you... it is inherently individual!!

For me, Easy Air is what I call on. The Oil of Breath! This is what helps me when I am feeling really overwhelmed, struggling to breathe. It helps me to feel loved, supported, open and solace.

If you are struggling with feelings or resentment or anger, give one of the above a go and let me know how you go by commenting on a post on Instagram (I am not diligent with checking website comments, sorry).

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Love and light,

Jazze xx