I started writing this back when I was in Uluru (a month ago), but am only just posting it. I wasn't sure whether it was something I should write. There are a lot of differing views - this is just how I feel. Please be kind :)
If you're new here, holla!! Here's the rundown.
Most of you reading this probably know that I am a full time working Mama. If you're new here (holla!), then here's a quick snapshot:
- I'm a full time lawyer.
I started my side biz, The Calm Compound, in October 2017.
I am a Mama to 18 month old Clementine, who goes to day care 4 days a week.
My husband is a basketballer and travels A LOT for work. Thankfully, though, he has a lot of time off after the season, which really helps.
I firstly want to take this opportunity to say that it is A-OK with me if you love being a stay at home mum and that is your jam - power to you Mama!
I love being a working mum, and it wasn't until someone asked me my "long term plan" that I realised this
One of the questions I was asked in Uluru on the dōTERRA Incentive Trip was, “is your intention to get to a point where you can quit your job and have your husband home too?”
I kinda didn’t know what to say or how to answer the question. I love being a lawyer, especially with the increased flexibility that I have with my new role. I am super busy, but have great flexibility and I really enjoy the work.
Yes, I really want to build my business to a point where I can
- help as many people as possible; and
- be in a position financially to make that decision about whether I continue working as a lawyer.
But the truth is, I love being a working mum and heading to an office job everyday. I’m a better mum for it.
I'm a little ashamed to admit that I find 5 days at work much easier than 2 days of parenting on the weekend. I really do take my hat off to stay at home mums. It’s a bloody tough gig!!
I feel horrible writing that down and reading it back to myself. And I'm sure there are some mum's reading this that probably think I'm not a great mum, and "how can she possibly say she would prefer to work than spend time with her daughter?". But that's not how I see it. It's not that I prefer working over spending time with Clem.
Let me explain it.
Tom was away for 8 days a while back and I think I was losing my shit after day 2. Yes I was working full time and having to get to daycare pickups etc, but even if I was at home, I still wouldn’t have enjoyed it.
Clementine changed our lives forever, and I absolutely love being a mum.
But I was a lawyer, then I was a girlfriend, then a fiancé, wife and finally, a Mum.
I don’t prioritize “being a mum” over everything else in my life. Clem's needs and requirements are ALWAYS attended to as best I possibly can, but does that mean I prioritise them over everything else? No, I don’t (...I can hear the gasps over the computer screen).
I know what the Mum guilts are like, but you don’t have to change your life completely if you don’t want too. Our lives haven’t. Yes we have less spare time. We have other things we need to consider that we didn't consider prior to Clem, but our lives really haven’t changed.
She has fit into our life and not the other way around.
One of those things she has had to fit into is our jobs. I am just as committed post-kids (if not more) to my work, both as a lawyer and a service provider to all of my beautiful tribe members. The same goes with Tom.
Being an anxious and obsessive compulsive person makes parenting really tough for me.
I get frustrated when I don’t know what Clementine wants from me. When she’s grumpy for no reason. When she’s throwing a tantrum on the floor. And I don’t think there’d be any mums out there that feel differently. So work for me is, for lack of a better term, an escape. Please don’t mistake this for me escaping my daughter. That’s not what I’m saying.
But I am escaping the person I become when I’m in that moment.
That’s why I love being a working mum. I can continue doing what I love and come home to really big cuddles and play time with my girl. If I had been at home with her all day, I personally don’t think I’d have the same ‘quality time’. I get so excited to see her every afternoon and I don’t think I’d have the same relationship with her if I wasn’t working (and this is just for me personally, this may not necessarily be the case for everyone).
Girlfriend, Lawyer, Fiancé, Wife, Mum
I am my own person at work. If people don’t know me personally, they see me as a lawyer, they don’t know I’m a Mum. I am my own person too, and that includes being a wife and lawyer. And I’m a heck of a lot better wife and mum when I have that escape at work.
So what is the answer to... "do you eventually want to quit your job and just do your business?"
I'm unsure. My business doesn't feel like work, so I guess it would be a wonderful thing to be able to do that full time.
But I'll see where it takes us, and sit down with Tom when and if that time comes.
So I hope I haven’t ruffled too many feathers. The main thing I wanted to get across was don’t feel bad for walking out the door in the morning and being excited for it!!!
You can't help anybody else if you yourself needs a little TLC. Always remember that beauties.